Michelle Kristensen has always wanted to be a mother, but there was always a reason to postpone it. Then she had her fertility checked in January 2021.
Women's fertility declines significantly around the age of 35. Michelle was 36 years old, and her fertility was indeed low. But it was even lower than the average for her age.
"If I had any hopes of having children, I had to start now. Sooner rather than later," she was told.
Fortunately, her partner of one year, Pernille Wass, was completely on board. They chose to use a sperm donor from us here at European Sperm Bank and opted for a donor who resembled Pernille's son, whom Michelle is a bonus mother to.
From there, things progressed quickly. It took them just one evening to choose a donor, and the treatment started before the month was over.
After two inseminations failed to result in pregnancy, they moved on to IVF treatment. This involved a total of four egg retrievals, multiple embryo transfers and two donor changes.
The secretary at the clinic said, 'Congratulations for now.' I thought it was a strange thing to say. (…) But I soon found out why she said it.
After the second embryo transfer, Michelle's first pregnancy was confirmed with a blood test at the fertility clinic. Michelle and Pernille were overjoyed.
"The secretary at the clinic said, 'Congratulations for now.' I thought it was a strange thing to say. It was the second transfer, and I had read that it takes an average of 2.3 attempts, so it fit the statistics. But I soon found out why she said it. They have experienced it before," says Michelle.
In the ninth week, the fetus miscarried, and Michelle underwent a medical abortion.
"Fortunately, it's not something that happens to everyone. It happens to 20 percent, so thankfully the majority doesn't experience this," says Michelle.
Unfortunately, Michelle had worse luck than what’s average. After two more attempts, she became pregnant again. But it turned out that the fetus was so sick that she was recommended to terminate the pregnancy.
"It was a blow. Why was I so unlucky? It wasn't genetics that caused it; it was just pure bad luck," says Michelle.
Up until this point, Michelle had kept hope alive. Now, for the first time, she began to doubt if she would ever become a mother.
But Pernille kept her spirits up, and that helped Michelle keep the faith.
"Pernille said she had SO much faith. She has been extremely optimistic throughout this experience. It has helped me tremendously. If she believes in it, I also believe," says Michelle.
I won't find 100 percent peace of mind in this pregnancy. It's just a condition I have accepted, and I have found peace in the turmoil.
It has been two and a half years since Michelle started trying to get pregnant. She is now six months pregnant with a healthy boy who is developing normally. Initially, she still felt like she was going through the stress of fertility treatment. But after the second trimester anomaly scan and after feeling him move, she has gained more peace of mind.
"I used to find it really difficult, when people said congratulations. I wanted to say 'Congratulations for now.' We still need to see that this will actually become something. I won't find 100 percent peace of mind in this pregnancy. It's just a condition I have accepted, and I have found peace in the turmoil," says Michelle.
She managed to get through the complicated fertility journey with her sanity intact. This is due in no small part to these four pieces of advice that she would like to share with anyone going through a similar process:
"In the beginning, I was angry and felt sorry for myself, and I had a massive fear of needles. But leading up to the second egg retrieval, I realised that I needed to change my mindset, or I would become unbearable to be around for the rest of my family. So I started seeing the injections as super syringes filled with the purest elixir of power, which they actually are. I felt so cool, and I really tried to praise myself when I injected them into my belly. You did it again! That's what helped me go through four egg retrievals without seeing it as a living hell."
"I have talked a lot with my family, Pernille and some friends. And because I have done many interviews, it has been processed so well that I'm just about done talking about it. It's a chapter that can be closed. But it has been great for my mind that everything has come out, and hopefully, I can also give a little hope to those who are going through it. So talk about it. It's not a taboo; so many of us are going through it. Our biology is different, and it's not our fault."
"The times when I was most relaxed about what I ate and how I lived were also the times when I succeeded in getting pregnant. So relax instead of being completely fanatic. Because that hindered me even more in my social life. I have previously tried many extreme diets, and I'm sick of it. So unless you enjoy feeling like you can do something about it by following a restrictive diet and it gives you energy, don't do it."
"If you have a partner, take advantage of the breaks between treatments to nurture your relationship, whether they are self-imposed breaks or not. Fertility treatment doesn't exactly strengthen a relationship, except maybe in the first few months. After that, it really starts to take a toll mentally. So go on some weekend trips, get away from it all and just be together."
Michelle Kristensen is in a paid partnership with European Sperm Bank. Follow her on Instagram here.
