Using a sperm donor to conceive is one of the most common ways of getting pregnant without having sexual intercourse with a man. While every path to parenthood is different, the process typically involves the following steps. Your journey may not be as linear as presented here, and some steps may occur in a different order.
The first step is to reflect on your situation. Becoming a mum is a life-changing experience, and you need to consider your emotional, financial, and practical readiness. Spend some time reflecting on why you want a child, your financial situation, what financial assistance you are eligible for, and what your expectations are for parenthood.
As a single mom, you should also consider your support system. Support is a vital part of becoming a parent and comes in many forms. Think about who will be a part of your child’s life for emotional and practical support. While support networks are also important for same-sex couples, you will be able to rely on each other, too. Talking through your relationship and discussing how a child may impact it are essential, as is ensuring your ambitions and desires are somewhat aligned.
The next step is to book an appointment with your GP or a fertility specialist. They can provide an overview of the options available and help you decide what’s right for you and your timeline. You can also book a free fertility consultation with one of our advisors. They’ll answer any questions you may have, provide any information you need and start helping you find a donor.
Your doctor or fertility specialist may suggest a fertility assessment. This can include blood tests to check hormone levels, such as AMH, and an ultrasound scan to examine your ovaries and uterus. These tests help determine your fertility status and the best treatment approach for you.
It's also worth asking about the different options for treatment, like the NHS and private clinics. In some areas, single mothers or same-sex couples might need to pay for treatment themselves, but that depends entirely on the health services and support in your specific region.
Your treatment type depends on your situation and the results of your fertility assessment, if you have one. IUI is often the first choice if there are no known fertility challenges. However, if you know you have fertility challenges like endometriosis, PCOS or blocked fallopian tubes, IVF is usually recommended. The most common alternative ways to have a baby without a man include:
A wide range of other factors may also influence your treatment. For instance, same-sex couples might want to consider double donation. This is a type of IVF treatment in which both donor eggs and donor sperm are used to create embryos for transfer.
Similarly, legislation may also have an impact, as local laws may not support your right to a family, and you may need to travel for treatment. Discussing all the variables that affect you with healthcare professionals, fertility specialists and our expert advisors is the best way to come to an informed decision about fertility treatments. But more on that later.
If you want to know more about the different treatment types, you can also read more in our blog post
The first step when choosing a sperm donor is working out what donor attributes are most important to you. Some SMBCs and same-sex couples may prioritise physical features, like eye colour. Others may want a donor with certain personality traits. At European Sperm Bank, we’ve developed a range of innovative search tools to help you find the right donor. These include detailed donor profiles, our advanced PhotoMatch tool for identifying donors that look like you, and the ability to filter by a range of characteristics and qualities.
When selecting a sperm bank, it’s important to understand the difference between registered sperm banks and the grey market. With licensed sperm banks, all donor sperm must meet the standards set by the relevant health authority. This ensures that thorough health screening is carried out, that the sperm is stored safely, and that there is legal clarity around parental rights. The grey market encompasses informal donors, like friends or donors found on online forums. It offers none of the protections associated with registered sperm banks.
You’ll also need to choose between an ID Release and a No ID Release donor and understand the difference between the two. An ID Release donor means your child can request identifying information about the donor once they turn 18. That is not possible with a No ID Release Donor. In many countries, ID release is now a requirement.
How do you find the right fertility clinic? The right fertility clinic for you is the one that makes you feel informed, supported and respected. Do your research and get information from different clinics. Some of the things you can look at to make your decision include:
You may also want to consider fertility clinics in other countries. This might be because those countries are known for high-quality treatments and offer services that others don’t, or because your country of residence doesn’t allow same-sex couples to pursue certain treatments. Learn more about fertility abroad.
At European Sperm Bank, we work with highly regarded clinics around the world, and can help you find a clinic that meets your needs. Book a free consultation with our advisors to discuss your options.
Once everything is ready, your clinic will provide you with a detailed and tailored schedule for your chosen treatment. Depending on your situation and the type of treatment you’re having, this may include taking medications to support ovulation or implantation.
Having fertility treatment also often involves attending regular scans or having blood tests to monitor your cycle and how you respond to the treatment.
During this time, you might experience emotional ups and downs. Especially when you’re waiting for the test results after your insemination or egg transfer. Remember that it’s normal to feel this way - and if you’re feeling stressed, you can get guidance on how to cope emotionally when undergoing fertility treatment.
The best fertility treatment for you is context-dependent and depends on your personal circumstances. The following table details which treatments are generally preferred in certain situations.
You can get donor sperm from a registered sperm bank, a known donor (e.g. a friend) or a donor from the grey market.
The most secure and regulated way to get donor sperm is through a licensed sperm bank. When you choose a donor from a sperm bank like European Sperm Bank, you can be sure that all donors are thoroughly screened for medical conditions and sexually transmitted diseases.
The donor’s role is clearly defined, and you are guaranteed high-quality donor sperm. You can explore our sperm donor catalogue when you create a free account.
If you choose a known donor, it is important to recognise the legal and emotional implications of this type of sperm donation. There can be a lack of clarity with this type of relationship, especially when compared to a sperm donor from a licensed sperm bank. In some cases, a known donor who does not have their parental rights legally removed might be considered a legal parent. Similarly, this type of donation can place unwelcome strain on valued relationships.
It is also necessary to get the known donor medically tested.
You may have seen people offering free sperm donations on social media or apps. This is called the grey market. While many offers are genuine, this option comes with significant risks that you should consider carefully. For instance, there is a concerning lack of medical screening for STIs and genetic diseases, and there are no legal safeguards in place.
Yes, it is legal to get pregnant without a man in many countries. However, some jurisdictions may not allow certain types of treatment and others may outlaw it entirely. As the legality of solo motherhood and same-sex families depends on the specific legislation in your country of residence, we recommend doing your research and seeking professional help if you are unsure of the legal nuances.
Lesbian couples have several pregnancy options. They can use a sperm donor and fertility treatments like IUI, ICI and IVF to conceive a child in many countries. In some cases, there may be obstacles, challenges and considerations that other aspiring parents don’t have to contend with. For instance, same-sex IVF isn’t legal in all nations and you may have to travel to another country for treatment.
Double donation is also a consideration. Double donation is used by heterosexual couples when both partners experience fertility issues, and by single mothers by choice who cannot conceive using their own eggs. But reciprocal IVF is also used by lesbian couples when both partners want to participate biologically in the creation of a child. Double donation enables an egg to be taken from one partner, fertilised in the lab and then the embryo placed in the womb of the other partner to develop. This can help both partners feel more connected to the pregnancy.
If you want to discuss any of these considerations with a fertility specialist, book a free consultation with an advisor.
Preparing for solo motherhood involves considering your readiness, building a strong support network and researching the treatment options available to you. Our six-step process to preparing includes:
Each of these steps is discussed in much greater detail in our article.
It is increasingly common for women to conceive a child and get pregnant without being in a relationship with a man. While statistics vary from country to country, the number of single women receiving fertility treatment with donor sperm increased by over 60% between 2019 and 2022. In Spain, the number increased by 36% over the same period (IB).
The number of same-sex couples seeking fertility treatment has also increased significantly. In recent years, the number of UK same-sex couples accessing fertility treatments has more than doubled (HFEA). A similar increase has occurred in Denmark (CPH Post).
Yes, you can get pregnant without having sex using a sperm donor and fertility treatments. This enables single mothers by choice and same-sex couples to build a family on their own terms and at their own pace.
No, you cannot get yourself pregnant without any help from other people. Conceiving a child will always require sperm to fertilise an egg, and that sperm needs to come from somewhere. Likewise, understanding and arranging fertility treatment also requires assistance.
A woman can get pregnant without sperm entering her body with IVF treatment. IVF involves fertilising the egg in laboratory conditions and then placing that embryo in the woman’s uterus. During fertilisation, the sperm’s tail and exterior degenerate and its nucleus merges with the egg to create the embryo.
