Psychotherapist Lise Kramer agrees.
“It is extremely unhealthy to have secrets in families. What children don’t know will hurt them,” she says.
Even if the secret isn’t revealed, it has a way of seeping into the family system.
“It gives the children a feeling of something is wrong here and it must be me. So, it becomes an internal way of feeling wrong which is not very healthy for the child, and it gives certain insecurities. So having secrets in families, no matter what they are, is just plain unhealthy,” she says.
For Hayley, her experience finding out about her donor conception has greatly affected her way of parenting.
“One thing I’m very passionate about as a parent is I don’t want our children to feel like they have to hide any part of themselves. And I would include donor conception in that," she says and continues:
“The ideal is them never remember being told.”