Clara left a traditional marriage and became an independent solo mum
Clara’s wish to have a child did not diminish after divorce. She took matters into her own hands and is now the proud solo mother of a little boy.
Helle Tyllesen
Ever since she was a child, 35-year-old Clara, a reinsurance expert from Germany, knew she wanted children. After getting married, she and her husband were well on their way to starting a family of their own.
But it turned out that they had very different views on what family life should look like. Clara did not see herself as a housewife. She wanted to be a mother with a career. Her husband had more traditional hopes for the future, and as a result the marriage fell apart.
Clara’s strong wish for a child persisted after the divorce. But she also enjoyed her new-found independence as a single woman. So how could she have both?
At this point, she didn’t realise that sperm donation was an option for her. She had only heard of it as an option in the US, mostly for heterosexual couples struggling with infertility. She started to save up money, because she thought she would have to travel to the US to have her dream child.
Artificial insemination is also possible for single women in Germany
That plan changed immediately one day in 2018. Clara was watching morning-TV, when a segment with Hanna Schiller came on. She shared her experience with becoming a single mother by choice with the help of a sperm bank.
Clara realised this was it for her. For her, it was crucial to find a sperm donor in a regulated market, rather than dealing with the grey areas associated with a private donor.
So, what are you waiting for?
Clara had consultations with a fertility clinic, who recommended European Sperm Bank. After doing her own research, she decided this was the sperm bank for her. She valued the transparency and full donor profiles with personal information and childhood photos of the donor. There was no pre-selection of potential donors; she could make all the decision herself. The deciding factor, however, was the customer service and one-on-one counselling, with professional, yet warm specialists.
“The customer is the queen at European Sperm Bank,” Clara says.
Speaking about it helped Clara make her decision
Initially this was all just a plan. Clara was not ready to put it into action just yet. First, she needed to discuss it with people close to her to make sure she was making the right decision.
She started with one close friend. She was conservative, but to Clara’s surprise not opposed to the idea. She asked critical questions, and they discussed the many aspects of having a donor child as a single woman. The friend was supportive.
Another friend, however, did not support Clara having a child through sperm donation and becoming a solo mum. Clara feels that she projected her own feelings about not wanting children onto Clara. This friend’s resistance to the idea did not make Clara doubt herself – on the contrary. Instead, it made her question the friendship.
As the plan to have a child became more serious, Clara decided to be open with her colleagues and superiors at work about it. She received a lot of support and was happily surprised that it didn’t get in the way of her getting promoted.
Within her family, she initially only told one sister and a very close cousin about her plan. Her cousin wanted a third child and they had always dreamt of being pregnant at the same time.
It was Christmas 2019; Clara was surrounded by lots of children and family. A thought crossed her mind: What was she waiting for?
Clearing up misconceptions: Solo motherhood is a conscious choice
In the summer of 2020, Clara fell pregnant after two attempts. Her cousin then became pregnant two months later. In the spring of 2021, Clara became the proud and happy mother of a beautiful baby boy.
After the birth, the nurses thought that Clara must be miserable. They assumed she had been through a break-up since she was alone with her child. Clara had to explain, that she was in fact very happy, and that she had made a conscious decision to have the baby on her own through sperm donation. She never received an insensitive comment again after that.
Today, Clara is a very happy single mum with a healthy, happy child. She found a way to make her dream of a child come true, without having to live up to traditional gender roles, that she feels didn’t fit her.
She shares her experiences a solo mother, helping others considering that path, on Instagram as Polly Freytag.
Clara is in a paid partnership with European Sperm Bank.
